If I didn't have you
by MoxleyLeakee173
Summary: Dean saved her from everything, including herself. He gave everything he could to her, he was in love. He meant everything to her but when push comes to shove she screws over the guy who gave her the world. They still have to work together and she'd give anything to have him back but Dean isn't willing to give in that easy. She needs him, he hates her.
1. Chapter 1

I was walking down the hall way of my job bringing some finished contracts to my boss when I felt someone staring at me. I turned and looked and saw those piercing ice blue eyes I used to love looking into staring at me. I have never seen him look so cold, so hateful before. We just kept staring at each other it felt like forever before he scoffed and walked away.

That man was Dean Ambrose. I met him the summer I moved to South Tampa. I was 19 and on my own for the first time, i lived in mobile home because it was all I could afford and he was my neighbor. After being there a few weeks I still hadn't found a job but that was really my fault. I dropped out of high school and never had a job before so really who would want to hire me? Anyway one day it all became too much, I couldn't afford food, I couldn't pay my rent, my electricity was shut off and I was alone. Completely alone. That's when he walked outside and saw me sitting on my stairs crying. We never talked before but he came up to me and asked me what was wrong. Usually I keep people at a distance and private things private but I was breaking down, I told him everything all of my issues and he told me to hold on. He left back to his house for about 15 mins before he came back out. When he did he told me he called his boss and his boss would interview me tomorrow to see if they had a place for me, he told me he would take me to the interview and back even though his day off was tomorrow. Long story short I got the job. When he took me back home, I went to the office to talk to my landlord to see if we could work something out to have me keep living there and I'd pay him first thing when I got my first pay check. However Bill, my landlord, told me that my rent that month had been taken care of and congratulated me on the job. I stormed out of his office furious. I don't want people paying my bills, I don't ever want to owe anyone money. I wasn't asking him for help I was just venting. I walked up to his door pounding on it when he opened it I just started screaming.

"Why would you do that?! You think I can't take care of myself?! You think I'm just some poor girl who you need to rescue?! huh?!" I screamed so loud other people started coming outside..you know mobile home parks.. so nosey.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.

"First off, you're welcome for keeping you off the streets. Second, I don't really like my personal business out there so why don't you stop screaming and act like an adult. Third, I never thought you couldn't take care of yourself but I know what it's like to be on the streets out here and I don't want that for anyone especially a 19 year old girl, do you have any idea what could happen to you?! No you don't you have no idea and I'm making sure you don't find out. Now if you excuse me I need to finish getting ready so I can leave. I'll drive you to and from work until you can afford your own car okay? Once again you're welcome" and with that he ushered me outside.

I was still so mad at him. Who did he think he was. I wasn't a damsel indistress I didn't need rescuing. But as my lights randomly kicked back on my anger died down.. maybe he was right. I did need help and that's all he was trying to do but I still felt somehow degraded..

As I was sitting on my couch later that night chewing on ice cubes because well I was hungry and had no food there was a knock on my door. I opened up and there was Dean with two pizzas and a goofy smile.

"Look we got off on the wrong foot.. Since we're working together now don't you think we should try to get along maybe even be friends?" He kept staring at me as he waited for an answer.

I didnt have many...ookay I didn't have any friends so I decided we should. i let him in and that was the beginning of Dean and me...


	2. Chapter 2

The first day I spent with Dean can tell you how our relationship would go. He would do anything and everything to protect me and keep me happy. He broke down every wall I had, earned my trust and made me fall in love with him. I still think about him everyday. The day he walked away from me I'll never forget. I hate even thinking about it but I can't help it. He gave me everything and I screwed him over.

After turning my contracts in to my boss, he let me leave early. It was the first week of December and he was in a good mood. The closer it got to Christmas the nicer he got. I loved it.

I was leaving the building going to my car when I saw him again. He was wearing light blue loose jeans, black boots, and a black muscle shirt that showed off his arms and pecs so well. We used to joke around about my love for his arms...it's like arm porn. This time it was me doing the staring and Dean didn't like it one bit.

"What?" He asked clearly annoyed.

" umm.. nothing I was just noticing how good you look" I replied while looking him up and down.

"Yeah well stop."

"Dean.. "

"What Alison?!" i jumped a little as he rasied his voice.

"Look..I know we ended badly but does it really need to be this tense and awkward between us? After everything we've been through?"

"Really? Are you seriously asking me this?! You screwed me over! I let you in, I gave you everything I had, I trusted you more than I have ever trusted anyone and you screwed me!"

I looked down. It hurt to face him right now... everything he said was right he gave me everything and i threw it away to help myself.

"Now you have nothing to say huh? Typical. Just typical"

As he turned to walk away I couldn't help myself as I called after him

"Dean please!"

"Please what?! What do you want from me?! Haven't you taken enough already?!" Dean was a very emotional guy but he never showed it unless it came to me. As I stood there seeing the tears in his eyes it brought it all back and I hated myself even more.

"I just want you in my life! I know I screwed up and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Dean. I'd do anything to take it back but I can't.. I just.. i don't know I need you in my life." I felt like I was begging him to do something he didn't want to do.

"Oh you need me?" he chuckled "for what? To help you, to pick up the pieces to save you just so when its convient you can throw me away like yesterdays garbage? I did everything I could for you and you didn't care."

"Please... Just give me a chance tell me how I can make this up to you. Tell me what to do and I'll do it!"

"You want to do know what to do? Leave me alone. Act like I don't exist. Forget everything we went through. You wanted to be free now you are...just leave me alone" with that he turned and walked to his car.

I watched him til he sped off. When his car was out of sight I broke down. I know I hurt him but I still love him and he wants me to forget him I can't do that. I need to get him back..I just need to.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, after driving around for about 2 hours, I stopped by one of Dean's favorite resturants, Buffalo Wild Wings, and ordered his favorite meal along with mine. I decided to bring him dinner and see if we could talk. As I knocked on his door and heard him unlocking it I had the urge to run back to my house and act like I was never there but it was too late as he opened the door.

"What do you want?" he rolled his eyes as soon as he saw me

"I brought you bdubs.. I was hoping we could talk"

"If I talk to you now will you finally get off my back and leave me alone like i want?"

"um..yeah if that's what you want I guess I don't have a choice"

After standing there for a few moments he finally moved aside and let me in, I walked into his living room where he usually ate and saw that he was watching rush hour 3 and drinking a beer.

"I guess I should offer you something to drink..."

"I'll have a beer if you don't mind"

When he walked away I got comfortable on the couch and started watching the movie I didn't know he came back until he snapped in front of my face and handed me the beer.

"Thanks" I said

"Yup. So talk."

"Remember the first time we watched rush hour 3? It was on our.."

"6 month yeah i know." He finished for me while turning off the T.V.

"Hey you remember, that day was so amazing remember when we.." I smiled but he once again interuppted

"I didn't let you in to reminisce so say what you had to say or leave."

Him being so cold to me hurt. He was once my best friend, my love and now he couldn't stand to remember anything about us.

"Okay fine. I miss you. I miss hanging out with you everyday. I miss talking to you and laughing with you and just being a part of your life."

"Yeah well you're the one who messed it up so I don't know what you're expecting"

"I know I messed it up! I think about it everday! I expect you to keep your promise and be there for me no matter what!" I shouted

"You're a real piece of work you know that?! Me be there for you? What about you being there for me!? I expected you to keep your promise and not hurt me but oh look you did that. Pretty well I might add."

"Dean I was scared! I didn't know what was going to happen. I know I screwed you over, I regret it so much but I was scared if I didn't do it what was going to happen to me."

"Nothing! Nothing would have happened to you! Did you seriously not trust me?! I would put my life on the line for you! I would protect you against anything you never would have gotten hurt or put on the street and we both know that you knew that so cut the shit about being scared and woman up!"

"You could have left me at any moment! I could have put all my faith in you, relied on you for everything and if you left where did that leave me?"

"But I wouldn't have. Do you think I go around paying any girls rent, her electricity, getting her a job, opening up my life to her, letting her know everything about me, get close to me? I loved you! No matter what I would have protected you and kept you safe I never would have just turned my back on you, but oh you had no problem doing it to me"

I felt tears in my eyes. I know I messed up I knew the second I made the choice but it was too late to back down and now reliving it all hurt. He just wouldn't understand.

"It killed me to do it to you. I hated every second of it."

"If that was true you would have stopped. How could you look me in the face and tell me you loved me everyday? How could you lie in my bed at night in my arms like everything was perfect? You hid it. You hid everything. I had no warning what was going to happen. One day my life is perfect the next the person i trusted more than anything stabbed me in the back. You know for someone who thinks loyalty is so special you have a comical way of showing it"

"I did love you, I DO love you. You really think I'm just here because I feel guilty? Of course I do but only because I love you! I want you in my life, I want my best friend back. Why can't you see that?"

"And I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.. guess we don't always get everything we want" with that he walked to his room and slammed the door. I didn't know what to do. I know he wanted me to leave but what if this was my last chance to talk to him I had to show him how much I missed him.

I walked over to his door and knocked softly.

"Dean...please open the door" I don't know if he heard me it was barely above a whisper.

When he opened the door I took every ounce of courage I had, grabbed his face and kissed him.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a few moments but he kissed me back. He actually kissed me back! And just like old times the feelings were there, the eletricity that was between us almost tangiable. I've waited for this for so long and it was finally happening.

He put his arms around my waist and licked my bottom lip, immeditely i gave him access while wrapping my arms around his neck. I didn't know if this was a good idea but I had to try it. I started walking him backwards until we got to the bed and pushed him on it. I climbed onto his lap and started kissing him with as much passion as i could. I bit his bottom lip and suddenly he pushed me off of him and sat straight up.

"Dean?"

"You need to go"

"But.. I thought.."

"Yeah well you thought wrong. I don't want you here."

"Really? Because it seems you do" I said while looking at the tent in his pants.

"Don't flatter yourself Alison. I'm a man it's a natural reaction. It would have happened with any woman."

"With any woman? Right, keep trying to convince yourself of that Ambrose. The only woman who would have been able to make you lose control and get turned on so fast is me."

"You give yourself a lot of credit. It's actually pathetic how great you think you are"

"We both know I'm great... you remember? If not I can give you a new memory" I said while leaning over and biting his neck.

"I would rather cut my dick off than to let you ever touch it again." He said while standing up.

"If you actually meant that...I might be offended"

"I do mean it. I don't want you ever touching me again"

"Is that why you kissed me back? Because you never want me to touch you again?"

"I got caught up in the moment. Honestly Ali it meant nothing"

"Just like you using my old nickname huh?" I started feeling cocky at this point. He could try to deny having feelings for me but i could tell he did.

"I did it to prove a point."

"What point would that be exactly?"

"The point that things I used to say or do because I loved you...no longer mean anything. I can kiss you, I can call you Ali and it not mean a thing. Because you don't mean a thing to me anymore"

I searched his face feeling my heart break..I could always read him like a book and I could tell he was hiding something

"You don't mean that" I whispered while looking down.

"Oh but I do. After you're left alone and hurt so badly by someone you love, after you have to pull yourself out from a very dark place.. you don't feel so much "love" for the person who caused it anymore. In fact..you feel a lot of hate towards that person. You keep bugging me wanting to talk? Well here it is. I hate you. I see your face and feel phsyically sick. I can't stand the fact that I used to hold you and kiss you and plan a life with you. I can't believe how stupid I was to ever get involved with someone like you. I regret walking up to you that day, I regret getting you a job because now i have to see you everyday, and i regret paying your rent. Maybe if I didn't you'd be in the street where you belong! As a matter of fact the worst decision of my life was ever making you a part of it! Is this enough talking for you or do you want me to keep going?!"

I couldn't sit there anymore... he really hated me. I got up and ran out of his house and next door to mine. As soon as I got in I sat against the door crying. I know I hurt him but to regret ever having me in his life? We've been through more than anyone could ever imagine and he hated it all.

The worst part is..I knew it was real this time. I've stormed out on him plenty of times before but he always chased after me and this time- I was alone. He didn't come after me, he didn't pick up the pieces, he just let me leave.

After crying my eyes out for probably 30 minutes I picked up my phone dialed the phone number and waited for the voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hello sir, it's Allison...I'd like to request a transfer..."


	5. Chapter 5

"Allison..why do you want a transfer?"

"I just think it'd be better for me to work at another location" I replied

"You're a good worker and I don't think I want you to transfer. Look come to my office tomorrow and we'll talk about it first thing in the morning okay? I'll talk to you tomorrow" and with that he hung up.

Well... he has been in a good mood lately hopefully I can convince him I thought.

The next morning I went straight to my boss's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in" I heard him kind of shout.

I opened the door and he looked up from his computer.

"Oh Allison, have a seat"

"Thank you."

"So..you want to transfer, care to tell me why?" he asked while looking at me intently.

"Well as I told you last night I just feel that for things going on, it would be better for me to transfer to another location. I love my job and I love working her-"

"What things going on?" He interrupted

"It's actually personal stuff you-"

"Personal stuff shouldn't affect your job Allison, you know this. Is someone here giving you a hard time" he once again interrupted.

Dean flashed in my mind but i shook it away "No sir, no one's giving me a hard time.."

"Then I see no reason in why you should transfer so I'm going to have to turn down that idea Allison. I'm sorry but you're too valuable to me here and I'm not going to just send you somewhere else because of something personal. Now on to business we have a big client case coming in, it's going to make us a lot of money..6 figure kind of money you see. Now I want only my best workers on this case and that's you but it's a lot of work and it's going to need to be done within a month. So, basically what's going to happen is you and Dean are my two top workers so I'm going to have you two work together on this case. I expect it to be done and right in 3 weeks so i can look over it and you would have 1 week left to fix anything I don't like. As i said this client is huge so if you two can pull this off you both will be gettin a raise sound good?"

I nodded and took a big gulp. Why did this have to happen?

"Okay good, here's the case, Dean should be coming in now, so go ahead and tell him what I told you and you two can get started" He handed me 3 huge documents and I left his office.

I spotted Dean and walked up to him.

"Excuse me, Dean?"

"Ugh, what do you want Allison?"

"Nice to see you two" I rolled my eyes. "Jay said we have to work together on this case.. he said it's a big deal and is worth a lot of money. He said if we do good we'll get a raise, we have 3 weeks"

"Wow like you didn't set that up?" he looked at me irritated.

"Um excuse me?"

"We never had to work on a case together in all the years of us working together, i turn you down last night, you come out of his office and magically I have to work with you? Like that's a coincidence?"

"It is! I got your point last night after hearing you hate me okay! It's not like I want to work with you. I went in his office to ask for a transfer just like you wanted! He told me no and gave me this. So now get off your high horse, not everything revolves around you okay?! Now do you want to work in my office or yours?" I said a little too loudly that people started to look at us.

"Mine..it's bigger" and with that he stormed off with me in tow.

I walked into his office and it was so different. I used to eat lunch with him in there and he always had the windows open, pictures of us on his desk, a plant i got him, and random stuff we got from all the things we used to do, now now his blinds were shut, no pictures, no personal stuff, nothing. It was a plain old office a desk, a computer, some file cabinets, a chair and a couch in there. He changed so much..

"So..how do you want to do this?" I asked looking around.

"Well I think I'll work at my desk and you can figure out what you want to do" he said while snatching a document from my hand.

"Uh okay..I'll go get a chair" I left the room and took a deep breath this was going to be a looooong 3 weeks.

I was walking back with a chair and opened the door lightly not really wanting to go back in, when i started walking inside I looked up and saw Dean with his head down on his desk sniffling..I think he was crying..


	6. Chapter 6

This chapter is going to be a little different, It will be in Dean's pov

* * *

"Dean..are you okay" I heard her ask in a soft voice as I heard the door shut.

"Yeah..yeah I'm good let's get started" I started going through the documents as she pulled her chair up to my desk.

"Look Dean.. if this is going to be a huge problem I can talk to Jay and see if there's a way we can not work together or something..." I could see the hurt look on her face. Trust me it killed me every time I saw it but I couldn't let her know that.

"It's fine Allison.. it's not you it's just i.. i have a lot going on and it's starting to wear me down okay? Let's just get to work"

Surprisingly she dropped it. She never dropped anything but I was grateful she did.

About an hour into working I understood why Jay put two of us on this.. I was already begging for a break. My eyes were hurting, my head pounded and I just didn't want to look at the paper anymore. I looked up and saw her so focused. Her long red ombre hair pulled into a high pony tail on her head like always, with her favorite color t shirt on , black, that hugged her just right, with no make up on, well besides her red lipstick. She looked great. She was biting the corner of her bottom lip into her mouth as her eye brows were sort of scrunched together..she was so focused. I missed her..but I couldn't let her know.

She looked up suddenly and we made eye contact.

I felt my eyes widen a bit out of surprise and cleared my throat

"Uh this is hurting my head I'm going to go get some water do you want some?"

"Sure!" she smiled.

Her smile was always my favorite part of her. It always looked so warm and welcoming it made me weak in the knees. I wanted to smile back but I didn't. A part of me really did hate her but a part of me will always love her and I had no idea what was worse.

* * *

3 hours later and we got nothing done. This case was kicking our ass and it was frustrating. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" I said as me and Allison looked at the door. My best friend Roman walked in.

"Hey Ambrose, hey Allison!" he said as he walked in and hugged her.

"Hey Reigns" I said putting down my paper and rubbing my eyes.

"Rough day?" he asked

"You have no idea. I feel like I've been here for 1 year" Allison said huffing out a big breath.

"Well how about we go to lunch? I was just counting on Dean being here but you can come Allison"

"That sounds great Roman...but I don't think it'd be the best idea.." she said looking down

I won't lie I felt bad. The only friends she has here are mine and when we broke up all but Roman ditched her. Roman was really loyal like that.

"Let's go...you too Allison" I said grabbing my cell phone and getting up. She looked surprised but got up and followed.

* * *

Lunch wasn't awkward like I thought it would be. It was just like old times, all of us laughing and joking. Man I missed those times.

I have never felt so conflicted in my life sometimes I wanted to never see Allison again, sometimes I wish I never met her other days... I just wanted to hold her in my arms and feel okay again.

I haven't felt okay in a long time. After what she did to me I felt broken but I couldn't let her know that. I tried to hold myself together but it felt as if my life was falling apart. Worse part of it all..my mom was diagnosed with cancer and I had no one to talk to about it. Sure I had Roman and other friends but talking about feelings was always hard for me.. more like impossible. The only person I ever opened up to was Allison she was my best friend but she is gone..at least in that sense.

When she came in and saw me crying, I had just gotten a text from my sister. It didn't look good for my mom she was given a month to live, if that. When I heard her voice and saw the concerned look on her face I just wanted to get up and hold her. I have never felt so much comfort in my life than I ever did in her arms but that was all gone now. I was an idiot for talking to her that first day, I was an idiot our whole relationship, I was an idiot letting her in my house last night, I was an idiot for not telling her how I feel. I'm just an idiot. I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm at my ropes end and I feel like I'm going to lose it any second.


	7. Chapter 7

**I have no idea if anyone is actually reading this or if I should stop writing...anyway  
**

* * *

It was 3 am and someone was pounding at my door. I was going to ignore it but whoever it was wasn't going away. I slipped on my slippers and huffed. I opened the door and yelled what before I saw who was there.

"I'm sorry for waking you." Dean said

"Oh um..it's okay what do you need?" Something was wrong I could see it in his face.

"I'm on my way to the airport I just needed to let you know I'll be gone the next few days I'll be back Friday so you have to handle the case til then"

"WHAT?! Are you kidding me? What the hell is so important you're just up and dumping all this on me?!"

"I don't have time for this" He ran off to the car that just pulled up and they disappeared.

I shut my door and walked back to my room. Well I definitely wasn't going to get any sleep now my mind was racing as to how I was going to get enough work done alone. This was going to be a long night..

* * *

Soon it was 1 pm, half my shift was done and I was leaving for lunch. I was walking out of the building to go pick something up when I bumped into Roman.

"Oh damn I'm sorry Allison. I was just coming here to talk to you"

"It's fine but listen I don't have time I have to run out and pick up some lunch and get back here to keep working on my case."

"I actually brought you lunch, Chinese food your favorite" he said while holding up the bag.

I hugged him and sighed.

"What would I do without you? I'm so stressed I needed this."

"Well I'm here now, lets go to your office and you can tell me what's going on alright?"

I nodded and we started walking to my office.

I sat down at my desk and Roman sat across from me handing me my food.

"So what's going on sweetheart?"

"Well you know me and Ambrose have this big case we're working on, well we need to have a big chunk of it done this week and he left me! I'm going to be so behind I don't know what to do I can't be-"

"Whoa Allison calm do-"

"No! Roman you don't understand! This could cost me my job and I'm not exactly the number 1 choice for other people to hire. I can't believe he would do this. I know he hates me and hates working with me but to just up and ditch me so he can have a mini vacation is just-"

"ENOUGH!" Roman yelled extremely loud causing me to jump. He has never yelled at me before.

"I know you and Dean have issues and quite frankly if, IF, he did hate you I wouldn't blame him but he doesn't. Are you really that conceited now that you think everything revolves around you?! You've known him for years now tell me one time he just up and left. Huh?!"

I sat there quietly staring at the floor.

"Exactly! So didn't anywhere during this you think something might have happened?! No because your head is so far up your own ass everything has to come back to you right?! Dean's mom died last night! She's been fighting cancer for months now and she lost! So don't you sit there and tell me Dean is having a mini vacation. Does burying your mom sound like a vacation to you?! And let's acknoweldge the fact he let you know he was leaving before he just left! He called me after he got the call and let me tell you, I've known him 15 years and have never seen him shed a tear, last night on that phone he was sobbing so hard I couldn't understand him! So for you to sit here and think everyone needs to be worried about you and your job is absoulte bull shit! I don't know what the hell happened to the old Allison but call me when she comes back because this new one..yeah it fucking sucks!" and with that he stormed out slamming my door.

What is wrong with me?

* * *

The last few days passed by pretty quickly. I got a lot more work done than i thought i would but I wasn't going to stress Dean about it. He's been through enough. It was Friday and I was at home cooking some dinner. Every time I looked outside there was someone else at Dean's house, majority carrying food. If I know Dean like I think I do this was driving him crazy. I had to do something I just didn't know what.

* * *

The next day I knocked on Dean's door. He opened it and looked horrible, he was so pale and his eyes looked dead. He was wearing sweats and a hoodie I felt so bad I wanted to hug him.

"I'm fine, no there's nothing you can do, thanks for asking" he said almost robotic like.

"Dean.. I'm so sorry I had no idea.. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

He just looked at me and shrugged then looked back down at the floor.

"You want to do something..? Maybe a movie?"

"No"

"Oh.. Want me to call Roman so you aren't alone? He can tell people to stop coming over"

Dean just stood there quiet and after a few minutes I took that as my hint to leave. I turned to go walk down his steps when I heard him say my name barely above a whisper. I turned around thinking I was hearing things and the look on his face broke my heart. He looked broken. Really broken and his eyes were getting watery.

"Please..."

I didn't know what he was asking me for but anything he wanted was his. I walked up to him and he turned around and walked inside leaving the door open. I followed him in turned and shut his door. When I turned back his arms were around my waist and his head buried in my neck and i heard such heart wrenching sobs come out of him. I wanted to do anything possible in the world to make his world okay again. My heart felt like it was breaking in my chest for him. I held him as tight as I could whispering comforting words in his ear. After a few minutes of hugging he walked over to the couch and I followed him.

"Want to watch something with me?" he asked

"Of course"

He handed me a dvd and asked me to put it in the player. I didn't pay attention to what it was I just put it in and he hit play and I heard Carter singing in the opening scene of Rush Hour 3. I felt him staring at me and I turned my head and we made eye contact. We just sat there staring at each other before he laid down with his head in my lap as i ran my hand through his hair.

About half way through the movie someone knocked on his door and he groaned.

"Hey don't worry I'll get" I said

When I opened the door there were about 5 people I didn't know.

"Um..can I help you?"

"Yeah is Dean here?" some random girl asked me with an attitude.

"Yup but he's not taking vistors" I said as I went to shut the door.

"Excuse me! We would like to offer him our prayers."

"I'll let him know" I said once again attemptin to shut the door when this time a guy put his hand on the door to stop it

"We'd actually prefer to do that ourselves thanks!"

"Look, he just got back from his mothers funeral, his house is full of uneaten food from everyone, he's been back less than 24 hours and at least 20 people have been here. Give him a break! come back later" I said as i shut and locked the door.

I turned around to find Dean staring at me.

"If that was out of line. I'm sorry"

"Don't be... I don't want to see anyone else right now"

"Have you eaten"

He shook his head and I sighed

"Dean..you gotta eat"

"I don't want stupid casserole!" he yelled he immeditely looked bad and rubbed his face

"Ali I'm-"

"Don't. It's completely fine Dean. Trust me. If you need to yell at someone you can yell at me. But you have got to eat. Just tell me what you want and I'll make it, or get it."

He thought for a second before he said "I want potato salad and a cheeseburger.. or a hot dog. Grilled"

"I can do that" I smiled

* * *

2 hours and 4 cheesburgers, 2 hot dogs later he finished eating.

"I was hungrier than i thought"

"That's how it goes" I nodded.

It was starting to get dark and I looked at the time it was about 930 now.

"I guess I should be headed home now" I said while getting up. Before I could even finish standing I felt him grab my hand and pulled me back down. I looked at him and it looked like he wanted to say something. He just didn't know how.

"What is it Dean?"

"It's nothing.. I shouldn't ask. I'll see you Monday"

"Come on Dean.. whatever it is ask it." I was trying to read his eyes but they were just so full of hurt it killed me to look in them.

"I don't want to be alone.. please stay the night.. I know it's out of line but i need you" he said while looking down at our hands, he didn't let mine go after he pulled me down.

I stood up while holding his hand and pulled him to stand up with me, when he did I led the way to his bedroom. He tossed me a shirt and I went in the bathroom to change while he changed in his room. When I came back he was just standing there staring at a picture. I walked up behind him and it was a picture of him and his mom from where he won his first game in little league. I touched his hand and he put the picture down.

"Let's go to bed" he said while walking to the left side of his king sized bed. I walked on the right and got into bed. We were laying there a few seconds when i felt him grab my arm and pull me to him. He had his arm around my shoulder while I had my head on his chest with one of my hands and our legs tangled.

"Ali?"

"hmmm?"

"After everything I've said to you...why are you here?"

"I told you I'd always be here for you. I broke a lot of promises to you but that is one I'll never break."

After a few minutes of quiet I heard Dean yawn.

"Good night Ali"

"Good night Dean"

"I never hated you.. just so you know"

Before I could respond i heard snores filling the air. But those words meant everything to me.


	8. Chapter 8

Sorry it took me long to update. This chapter goes back and forth between Dean and Allison's point of views

* * *

I woke up at 3 am in the morning smelling smoke. I sat up and untangled myself from Dean and walked into his living room. As soon as I rounded the corner I saw flames. I ran back to the room shaking Dean.

"Dean! Dean!Dean get up!"

"Huh?" He mumbled while rolling over.

"No Dean get up! There's a fire!"

Dean sat straight up and looked at me, he got up and ran to the living room with me following and saw the fire. It wasn't a little fire, it was huge! HUGE! It was in his kitchen and spare bedroom and spreading to the living room, he was just staring at it. The more it grew the closer it got to us I grabbed his phone off the table and his hand and ran outside. Dean just stood there watching his house burn as I called the police trying to get them to send a fire truck as fast as they could. I stayed on the phone for about 10 mins before the fire truck pulled up they yelled at Dean to get out of the way but he was in a trance and wasn't moving the firemen grabbed him and pulled him back as they started to get the hose ready. I walked up behind him and hugged him and even then he wouldn't move. I don't think he was even blinking he was just watching his house.

* * *

I felt Allison's arms around my mid section but I was frozen. I lost the love of my life, then my mom, now my house. I'm starting to think I pissed the big man upstairs off. I tried to be a good person do everything to the best of my ability I thought I was supposed to get good karma...but I'm not. I don't know how long we stood there until they got the fire out and the firemen went inside to check out the damage. When they finally came back out the last bit of hope I had died when I saw the look on his face.

"I'm sorry but everything was destroyed.. We have a few addresses you can check out that you two can stay at tonight if you need to."

"Oh, no thank you he can come to my house. Thank you for coming so quickly."

I stood there watching the fire truck drive off and feelig Allison rub her hand up and down my back. I walked closer to the house and felt Allison grab my hand to stop me.

"Please...I have to see something.. just wait out here okay?"

she let go of my hand and I walked straight back to my bed room. I didn't care about losing my house I had money I could find somewhere else to live the one thing I cared about was the picture I had framed in my room of my mom. They were right. Everything was destroyed. The picture was gone. The last thing I had from my mom was gone. Part of me just felt like breaking down and crying. The other part of me just felt numb.

I turned around walked out of the house and back up to Allison. She looked at me so concerned.

"The picture is gone."

"Dean..I'm so sorry sweetie. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now"

She went to rub my arm but I just turned and started walking to her house. She followed me and took an extra key out of her hiding place and unlocked the door. I walked straight back to her bedroom before she even said anything. I sat down on the bed and put my face in my hands. I'm so drained with everything I can't do this anymore. I heard footsteps and felt the bed shift and knew she was beside me. I felt her staring at me.

"Everything is gone"

"We'll go shopping for some clothes and stuff for you after work tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. I lost her and now I lost her memory" I whispered the last part.

"You didn't lose her memory. You'll always have her memory Dean, she'll always be with you."

"What if eventually I can't remember what she looks like?"

"She's your mother sweetie. You'll always remember her. What she looks like, what she talks like, the times between the two of you. You'll never lose that Dean. Never"

I just looked at her and pulled her comforter back, got underneath and buried my head into the bed. I felt her staring at me but I was done talking I was done with everything.

* * *

Work drug on and on I felt like it was never going to end. I kept looking up and sneaking glances at Dean he has never looked so defeated in his life. I had to do something I knew what I wanted to do, now hopefully his sister could help me out.

* * *

After work I drove us to the mall and watched as Dean grabbed stuff he wanted to try on the whole time texting his sister. It took over 2 hours to finish shopping, surprisingly Dean is really picky about his clothes. You wouldn't guess that looking at him. On our way home I stopped to pick up some Charlies Dean opted to stay in the car while I ran in and got our order. When I came back to the car he was looking at my phone.

"Uh..whatcha doing?"

"You got a text I was reading it"

"Who was it from?"

"My sister" my heart started beating fast in my chest I thought I deleted the old messages just in case so he wouldn't know what I was trying to do but I was paranoid that I didn't.

"Oh? What did she say?"

"Check your email when you can. What would my sister be emailing you?" He looked at me from the side

"Probably just one of those jokes or a forward you know how she is"

He dropped it and I pulled out heading for home.

* * *

When we finished eating Dean decided to take a shower so I decided it was the perfect time to check my email. I loaded the message from his sister and smiled big when I saw the message. I was so excited to be able to do this for Dean. After I set everything up and logged off my lap top Dean came out the shower.

"How was your shower?"

"Refreshing. Hey look, I appreciate you letting me stay here so thank you, I'll try to find a place soon to get off your hands"

"You don't have to leave soon. Stay here as long as you need to. You've been through a lot why don't you just try to relax and get fully back on your feet and okay before you look for a place? Maybe they can fix your house or something"

"You saw my house. There's no fixing that"

"Even so. Stay here as long as you want. Seriously there's no rush."

"Thank you" he walked up and kissed the side of my head and I tried to ignore the butterflies I felt in my stomach.

"After work tomorrow I have an appointment somewhere so I was wondering if.."

"I'll ask Roman to take me home."

"Thanks it's a one time thing"

"It's fine"

* * *

After watching a few bad television shows and me showering we decided to call it a night. We walked back to my bed room and laid down to go to sleep. At about 3 am I woke up again looking around. I was scared about the fire. I was scared of what could have happened. I was scared my house was going to catch on fire while we were sleeping. I went to get up to check my house. Walking back to my room I saw Dean starting to get up out of bed. When I walked in the room he looked up

"I was just about to come look for you"

"Oh I'm sorry I just wanted to..."

"To what?"

"..I just needed a glass of water" I lied I don't know why I felt scared to tell him the truth but I did

"Then where's your water?"

"I drank it all"

"I know when you're lying to me. You look at my forehead and intertwine your fingers.. So tell me the truth"

I let out a deep breath "I wanted to make sure nothing was on fire."

He just looked at me and i felt incredibly nervous.

"I know that's a bad thing to say. I mean it was your house not mine I really shouldn't even bring it up, It's about you not me, i shouldn't say anything about it I'm jus-"

"You're scared." he finished for me.

"Yeah... I'm sorry I should be more concerned about you"

"It's fine. You're the one who woke up and found it. I'd probably be paranoid to. Come here" I started walking up to him and he pulled me in his lap and started running his hand through my hair "It's okay Alli, It'll all be okay. Okay?" When i nodded he kissed my temple "Let's go to bed now" I crawled into bed and laid on my side and felt his arm come over my waist. I looked over my shoulder and he smiled. I felt safe again.

* * *

After work Roman was waiting in the parking lot next to my car for Dean. The last time I saw Roman was when he yelled at me so I wasn't sure if I should greet him like normal or not say anything. As we walked outside we saw Roman leaning up against his car with his sunglasses on. As we got closer he spoke up

"Hey man"

"Hey Roman, thanks for the ride."

"No problem man. Hey Allison"

"Hi..." i whispered and looked down. Dean looked back and forth between us with a confused look

"What's uh going on guys?" Dean said while looking at me, i felt him staring at me.

"I kinda blew a gasket last time I saw Allison."

"I was being me and you know how bad that is and he put me in my place" I said while still looking at the ground

"Dude, what did you say to her?!" Dean suddenly seemed irritated.

"He said the truth Dean, he didn't do anything wrong"

"I did sweetheart. Yes I was mad but I understand your frustration too. I didn't at the time but I do. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that and I'm sorry."

"I am too Roman" He came up and hugged me.

"And that comment about you being you? Keep it that way I don't want you to ever change ok?"

"So you don't want me to call you when the old me comes back?" I asked while still hugging him

"You're the same you...just a little more guarded now. I love you though Allison, even when I yell at you."

Dean was just standing there staring at us. "Seriously..what the hell did I miss?"

"It doesn't matter man, we're all cool now so it's fine. I was wondering though since wrestling is on tonight if y'all wanted to watch together?"

"Hell yes!" Dean yelled. I haven't heard him that happy in a while and I smiled.

"So your house Allison?"

"Sure guys. Want me to pick anything up for food or?"

"You know our junk food needs get all that" Roman replied.

"And beer I need beer" Dean said

"You got it! I'll see you in a bit"

With that we all drove off in different directions.

* * *

It took way less time than I expected at my appointment they had what I needed done and I already picked up all the junk food they wanted, poppers, taquitos, chips and dip, mini quesdillas, hot wings and of course Dean's beer. I got home around 6 and Roman and Dean took over cooking everything for Raw.

Raw ended around 11:15 and by that time we all decided that we weren't going to work tomorrow. Even though we just came off a weekend we all wanted a break from work so we put on our best fake sick impressions and called in for the next day. My and Dean's boss was furious and told us to try to get some work done at home and we agreed. Roman's boss couldn't care less and told him to feel better. While just hanging out Roman looked at me and said "so..what was your appointment for earlier?"

"I was wondering the same thing" Dean said while taking a drink of his beer.

"Oh I was just getting something made"

"What was it?" Dean asked.

"It's something for you"

Suddenly Dean perked up sat straight up and almost yelled "what is it?!"

"Damn dude take a breath" Roman chuckled

"I was going to give it to you when we were alone"

"Oh..so it's one of THOSE gifts?" Roman smirked

"Ugh Roman no! It's just something sentimental"

"I don't do sentimental..I got to know what this is" Dean said I sighed and got up to where I hid the present when they weren't looking and handed it to Dean

He opened it up and put his face in his hands and took a deep breath

"What is it?"Roman asked looking at Dean questioningly

Dean looked up and handed him the gift. It was the picture of him and his mom that he had framed. Roman looked at me and smiled

"I thought it got destroyed.."

"Your sister had a copy..she scanned it to me and I got it made. I know how much it meant to you and after everything you've been through I knew I had to find a way to get it back to you"

Dean stood up and hugged me so tightly "Thank you so much babe. Thank you" He let go of me and grabbed the pic from Roman "I'm going to go put this in the room is that okay?" i nodded and he walked to the room.

Roman came and stood next to me.

"That was really sweet Alli"

"It's the least I can do"

"This is how I know the 'old' Alli is still here"

I looked up at him "What do you mean?"

"No offense girl but..the girl you were pretending to be before your relationship ended wasn't you...she was a heartless bitch" I looked down and he continued " that Alli would have never done that.. only the old real one would have"

"I regret hurting him ya know? "

"I know. I can see it every time you look at him. You think you hide your emotions well but you don't. I see the love you still have for him in your eyes." He grabbed my chin in his hand and forced me to look at him "Just like I see the love he has for you in his eyes. You two love each other and I hope you find a way to put this back together. You deserve happiness Allison. You and Dean both" Just then Dean walked out.

"Hey guys. What do you wanna do now?"

* * *

4 hours into during Random things and just hanging out Roman decided to go home. Since it was 3:30 now we decided to call it a night.

After doing our night time routines we crawled into bed and I laid on my side like usually.

"You saved my life you know?" I heard Dean say

I rolled over on my other side and looked at him. He was laying on his back looking at the ceiling.

"No I didn't"

"If you weren't there to wake me up.. I'd probably be dead. I would have died in tha-"

"Stop."

"What?"

"Just stop.."

"But Allison.. That fire could have killed me."

"STOP!" I screamed and got up and stormed out of the bed room.

"Alli!" he called after me

I felt like I was suffocating it was too hot in here, my head was hurting and I needed air. I ran outside and started taking deep breaths.

"Alli.." I felt him touch my shoulder and turned around "What's wrong? Why'd you storm out like that?"

"I don't like this conversation."

"I was just trying to thank you"

"You're welcome. It's over now okay?"

"No...not okay. You don't want to talk about it but I literally owe you my life. I might be dead if you never came over. After all I said to you and you still came over you were there and saved my life"

I couldn't hold back any longer and broke down. I was crying so hard and shaking.

I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me to him. He was holding me so tight.

"Please stop.. I don't want to talk about it.."

"I'm sorry Alli.. I didn't know how badly the fire scared you."

"it's not that"

"What is it?"

"You. Talking about dying and how you could have been dead."

"I could have."

"STOP! I don't want that in my head. You're not allowed to die you're not allowed to go anywhere Dean. Stop bringing it up just stop!" I cried and clinged to his shirt.

"Babe..I'm not going anywhere I'm still here okay? I'm still here" He just held me and stroked my hair. Until that point i thought the fire was the scariest part. Now i know the scairest part was thinking about what could have happened. Dean could be dead. I can't deal with that. I don't ever want to.

"Let's go back inside and try to sleep okay?" I looked up and him and he smiled and I nodded.

We laid back in bed and he cuddled with me. Just like we did at his place the night of the fire but this time I was clinging to him so tightly.

"I promise I won't mention it anymore after this..but Alli? Thanks for saving my life. I owe you"

"You saved my life long before I ever saved yours..." I said and buried my face in his chest.

* * *

I looked down at Alli. This girl I spent so much time hating and this was the girl who is helping me through my mothers death, who went out of her way to get me my picture back, whose letting me stay with her, and who saved my life. I want to forgive her I want to go back to how we were. I do love her. I just can't forget what she did to me in the past. I don't know what to do anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

So I think this chapter kind of sucks I'm not sure. Goes back and forth again

* * *

The next morning I woke up and looked out the window by Allison's bed. It was kind of cloudy and gloomy, it was clear there was going to be a storm. It's her favorite weather I thought as I looked down and smiled seeing her laying on my chest. Suddenly the phone rang, i tried to grab it before it woke her up but I was a little slow.

"Hello... Yeah...That sounds cool...give us a couple hours to shower and everything and we'll meet you there?..sounds good man bye" I hung up the phone and saw her staring at me.

"Who was that?"

"Roman he wanted to know if we wanted to hang out for a bit at the park"

She looked out the window and back to me "It looks like it's going to rain"

"Since when does that bother you?"

"It doesn't..but I know it bothers Roman"

"Yeah well, he wants to hang out. Guess a little reliving of the first time we all hung out huh? Move, I gotta pee and hop in the shower"

"ugh" she grumbled as she moved

"Well someones grumpy this morning" i laughed

"Hurry up I wanna shower" she said while covering her head with a pillow.

* * *

A couple hours later after we both showered and got ready we were on our way to meet Roman. We pulled up to the park around 11 and saw Roman sitting there with a girl neither of us knew.

"Um..do you know who that is?" Alli asked me

"No clue" I said while unbuckling my seat belt.

"Well..at least she's got good style" She had light blonde hair to the middle of her back, ripped jeans, and a black walking dead shirt with vans on. Getting closer we saw she had dark make up on and tattoos.

"Hey guys" I said

"Finally you're here! Hey guys" Roman said getting up and hugging Allison while bumping fists with me.

"Hi Roman" Allison whispered. She is always so shy around new people.

"So guys I'd like you to meet Jessie, Jessie these are my best friends Dean and Allison"

"Hey guys!" She shook mine then Allisons hand with a big smile on her face.

"Hello Jessie" I said and smiled

"Hi." Allison said kind of quiet I looked at her and then back to Jessie, Jessie had a frown on her face.

"Don't worry about her, she's a little shy. Nothing personal." I said trying to make her feel better.

"He's right. I'm sorry.." Allison signed.

"Oh hey it's okay. I totally understand that" she smiled warmly at Allison and Allison finally smiled back.

"I just figured since you two made me call in sick we could at least do something for the day, and I've been dying for you two to meet Jessie" Roman said and smiled while grabbing Jessie's hand. I don't remember the last time I saw him this happy.

"Sounds good. Why don't we sit down and have all that what's your favorite color bullshit conversations?" I laughed while sitting down, Allison immeditely sitting next to me closely. I never knew what it was but she always seemed scared around new people so I put my hand on her thigh to calm her down. She leaned more into me and seemed to calm down a little.

* * *

After a few hours of talking I started to feel more at ease with Romans... girlfriend? Whatever she was, she was pretty cool and I was having fun. Suddenly Roman asked Dean to talk to him alone and they walked off and I was left alone with Jessie.

"So..." I said

"So.. I hope I'm not crossing any lines here but have you and Dean ever thought of getting together? You seem you would be cute together"

"Um yeah we used to be together but I pretty much messed that up" I said looking down

"Oh wow I'm sorry I should have stayed quiet"

"No it's fine don't worry about it."

"What did you do if you don't mind me asking?"

I just sat there trying to think of a good way to tell her I don't feel comfortable telling someone I don't really know.

"Nevermind. It's really none of my business. I tend to be super nosey about things. Sorry"

"So how did you meet Roman?" I asked changing the subject.

* * *

"So what do you think about her? Roman asked me I looked at him and saw how happy he looked

"Honestly..." I said making him frown instantly.

"Honestly I think she's great man!" Roman laughed

"You're an ass hole you know that right? He asked me

"Ha yeah I know man but honestly you two seem very happy. I don't remember the last time I saw you this happy. It's great man. Im happy for you" I said as I pat his back.

"Thanks man! She's amazing" He smiled and we walked to another table and sat down.

"How are you and Allison?" He said looking at me questioningly

"We're fine"

"Really? Just fine"

"Yup"

"What's with the short answers man? What's going on?"

"Man... i don't know" I sighed and ran my hand over my face.

"Ambrose. Talk."

"I really don't know man. I mean I was set in never having her in my life again. I hated seeing her at work you know that. And suddenly it's like my life is falling apart and the one person I couldn't stand seeing is the one who was there for me. Most the time it's like old times. I mean.. we sleep in the same bed, eat together, work together, joke everything like normal and old times like we used to be.."

"Then what don't you know?"

"It's confusing. I love spending time with her and being around her but at random times it comes back. It's like I'll be sitting there joking with her and she'll say something or do something and it reminds me of what she did"

"Dean look, I know she hurt you, i know. But maybe it's time to let it go. I mean you just said your life was falling apart and she was there. I know she messed up hell she knows it too but she's trying. She's trying to make it up and be there for you and you really need to decide to let it go and fully move on or fully move on from her. It's not fair."

"If you were to ask me a month ago I would have told you 100% I was moving on without her."

"What about now though?"

"Roman I don't know! I can't seem to forget what she did to me but when I hug her or talk to her I just want her back"

"You don't have to forget but just forgive. Be honest for a second if I were to tell you right this second Allison was walking out of your life for good how would you react?"

"I'd be devastated.."

"Then fix it. You still love her. She still loves you. You can figure everything out down the road"

Just then Alllison and Jessie walked up to us.

"Done being so secretive handsome?" Jessie said kissing Roman quickly on the lips.

"Yeah babe we're done" Roman smiled while pulling her down onto his lap. Allison sat next to me and suddenly a loud crash of thunder happened making us all jump.

"You jumped so bad!" Allison said while dying laughing at me

"Really girl? Like you didn't?" Roman said.

"So did you big bad man." Jessie said

"Finally someone here is on my side!" Allison said while high fiving Jessie.

"Roman... I think we're in trouble" I said while Allison smirked at me.

"Yeah I think we are too" he laughed.

"So guys, not to complain but I'm getting kind of hungry" Jessie said

"How about we go to that diner down the street? You guys down?" Roman asked and Allison nodded her head frantically.

"Hungry?" Roman chuckled.

"Starving"

"You're so dramatic" I said while dramatically rolling my eyes

Allison hit me in the chest "Let's go"

* * *

We all got to the diner at about 4, ate and bid our goodbyes.

When we got home I just looked at Alli.

"What?"

"You know we were supposed to do some kind of work today? We should probably do some"

"Deannnnnnnnnnnnnnn! I don't want to!"

"It doesn't matter though girl, we got to"

When she didn't reply I turned to look at her and she was sitting at the kitchen table pouting at me

"Don't give me that look"

"I don't want to work"

"Allison."

"Dean"

"We have to do something"

She walked up to me and hugged me extremely tight while looking up at me pouting "Dean please? I don't wanna work. What's one day going to do? we have a couple weeks left. Pleasssssssssssssssssssse"

She gave me those damn puppy eyes I still couldn't resist.

"Fine. What do you want to do?"

"Can we play in the rain?!" she looked at me like a kid on Christmas

"Seriously..play in the rain? are you a child"

"When it comes to rain..yes"

I rolled my eyes and she grabbed my hand and pulled me outside into the rain. She started dancing and spinning around. Rain always made her happy but she never told me why. Just like she never told me why she hated meeting new people. It was one of those things I was hoping to learn before everything crashed and burned.

She walked up to me and snapped infront in my face.

"Hello? anybody home?" she looked at me confused

"Uh yeah just thinking"

"You looked pretty distracted, I was worried for a minute" As she said that she shivered.

"Let's go inside" I grabbed her hand and pulled her inside.

She sat on the couch and I went into the bed room to grab a blanket and bring it to her.

"Alli go change those wet clothes are going to get you sick. " She got up and walked to the bed room and after 10 minutes of her not coming back I grabbed the blanket and opened the bed room door to find her standing there looking through her drawers wearing nothing but her bra and panties. My breath hitched in my throat and she turned around

"Uh sorry I just wanted to know what was taking you so long" I said while walking out of the room. She came out a couple minutes later dressed in black sweats and a white tank top. I looked up and saw her staring at me.

"I'm sorry I was just curious to see what was taking so long"

"Dean it's fine I just didn't know what I wanted to wear"

"So.. are you hungry enough to make dinner or?"

"You want me to make you dinner?"

"No. I was just asking if you were hungry and wanted something else to eat"

"Maybe a little"

"Alright let me make something small before we go to bed"

* * *

After eating half a sandwich and watching some TV shows we decided to call it a night. I crawled into bed and Dean didn't crawl in with me.

I looked up and him expectantly and he just stood there.

"Dean?"

"I'm going to go shower."

"Are you okay?" I asked while sitting up.

As I sat there staring at him he walked closer to me and look at me and suddenly I felt nervous. He leaned close to me and suddenly I felt his lips pressed again and instantly I felt electricity and goose bumps everywhere. I felt him lick my bottom lip and opened my mouth and our tongues started battling for dominance which of course he won. He pulled away and i was trying to catch my breath and I looked up at him and he was staring down at me sorta panting.

"I'm going to go shower now" and with that he walked away.


End file.
